Confessions of a Dying Woman: 2: Country Edition

Dear Miss Spinny,

I know ‘Can’t cook, Run belly’ Punci, must tell you by now that I don’t have long left on this earth. Which brings me to the reason why I am writing you this letter. They say that confession is good for the soul so that’s why I am writing you. First of all, let me tell you sorry for you and Sis Punci, not being on good terms these days. To tell you the truth Miss Spinny, it was me who saw your husband Mass Jasper, and Sis Punci, round the back of the fowl cub (chicken coop) in a very out of order position. Me did clear me throat so them could know to break up them folly ground. Your husband said it was you who send him for eggs from Sis Punci, which I did find very strange since the night before I did ask Sister Punci, for some eggs and she said she didn’t have any.

 Anyway, me sorry me did open me big mouth to parakeet Bev. It was she who started the rumor about your husband Mass Jasper and Sis Punci. I mentioned the situation to her and ask for her advice if she think me did fi tell you. Miss Spinny, I said to Bev, “Bev, don’t make what me tell you, leave your mouth and reach nobody ears, cause me know you mouth no have on no brigle”(briddle). Miss Spinny, the woman look dry in a me eye and tell me she wouldn’t say one word. Anyway, I was about to tell you about Sis Punci, and Mass Jasper, but it was the same time you and her ketch up because you think she poison your dog with the left over potato pudding from church two weeks ago. I didn’t want to add fuel to the fire so I kibba (shut) my mouth.

I have one last confession to make to you Miss Spinny. You remember, the day when you ask me to come sleep over you house with you because Mass Jasper, did gone to him uncle funeral in St. Elizabeth? Even though no- corner teeth Bev, did a say a ganja him gone sell. Well, me did tell you say me not feeling well, but that wasn’t quite the truth. The truth is Miss Spinny, your yard full up a too much dog dodo (feaces) and inside your house no smell no better with the puss dodo. The last time me come over your house and sit in that small brown settee in the corner by the window, likkle did I know that puss dodo was in the chair keeping me company. The puss dodo decide to come home with me on me nice flowers-flowers frock that me favorite daughter bring down from Kingston. 

Miss Spinny, you have to do something about the whole heap a animal you have man. If I didn’t know better, I would think you trying to build a zoo or create your own animal family. You have chicken, cow, the two donkey them, one mule, about a dozen goat, puss and dog. And don’t think me forget that the time when the puss dodo did ketch me lovely frock (May the good Lord bless and keep my one daughter), I see lizard, cockroach, rat and flies a run up and dung in a you house.

Anyway, now that me get that off  a me chest, I think  its high time you and Sis Punci , mek up back, because it was Mass Jasper who did gone look under Sista Punci, frock fi eggs. If you going to vex with Sista Punci, might as well you vex with Mavis and Dorothy to, because is fi them fowl cub Mass Jasper gone now gone look fi egg.

Miss Spinny, may the Lord continue to bless you and may his sun continue to shine upon your face.

Your good neighbor

 Sis Madge