Letters from a Bunna Man: Letter # 3

 

To whom it may concern,

From my last encounter with crazy cat lady Jacqueline, I have decided to take a break from  the Bunna man thing.  It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon, and I decided that I would take a short drive out to Emancipation Park.  All the usual sitting areas were occupied so, I inserted my earphones to listen some music while I walk. After about ten minutes I saw a group of family that was sitting under a tree began making their departure. They saw me looking in their direction and asked me to take their picture.

After they finally left, I spread a towel on the ground and sat under the tree. I was admiring the beauty of nature when a medium size, angry looking, red hair lady walked up to me. Before I could open my mouth, she began to shout. “Dirty, stink mouth bwoy, you think me a go mek  you continue treat me cousin like she a trash?” Dirty germs, you never say you a go stop sleep with Tash? Then how me hear say she a breed fi you?  Eeeh dirty bwoy?”

 At that point, I started standing up while she continued to loudly hurl her accusations. “You want a man kick you in a you face, you is nothing but a big disgrace”. Look how you crawny and fava a suck out bag juice, you can bet say you hood likkle and no have no use”. “Talk out a you dirty mouth, cause all of a sudden you a gwan like you dumb. Crawsis bwoy, look how you pressure the girl fi have threesome, then kill her with bun”.  

As you can imagine, I was flabbergasted and discombobulated. I stood there like I was in a trance. I couldn’t even defend myself, she didn’t give me a chance. People began to gather around me, penning me in a ring. Everyone was staring at me, as if they were waiting for me to sing.  I couldn’t move, I was in shock, I couldn’t do a damn thing. My anxiety began to set in, and I started sweating like a pig. Then suddenly came a very strong wind that blew off her wig.

 She held her head and started to run and scream. And just like that, it was like I was awakening from a dream.  I then joined everyone in the laughter, as she chased her wig.  I laughed even harder, when someone exclaimed, “den a so her head did dry and big?” I finally calmed down from what was nothing short of a disaster. 

A full figured young lady then walked up to me and apologized for the cussing that was meant for her cheating boyfriend Kurt.  He was sitting under a tree behind me in a similar yellow shirt. She began explaining that her crazy cousin and her boyfriend had never met, and how she was embarrassed of her situation and full of regret. We continued talking for a while, and then went and got something to eat. I woke up the following morning with her between my sheets. 

 Until next time

George.