Confessions of a Dying Woman: 5: Country Edition

 

Dear Mass Jasper,

I hope this letter finds you in the best of health. I hope that with this confession that my sin bill will go down. First I must confess that I am the reason why your wife Miss Spinny, run you out of the house for a few nights back in May and make you have to sleep outside under the house bottom pon crocus bag. Bev, saw you one early morning as soon as you wake up when she go beg Miss Spinny a bottle a cow milk.

What happened was partially my fault and partially your fault so we will both share the blame. If you can recall, you had gone to market in Savana-la-mar from Wednesday evening to sell the ground produce that came from your farming on Thursday to Saturday. You came back on Saturday night, but you stopped by Mass Percy shop to get a few drinks. I know this because on the Sunday morning when I was going to tie out my goats, I could smell the strong rum pon you and I find you pass out in the bushes. I was a little confused as to what you were doing in that direction because you had already passed your house, so I figured that nothing more than you were probably going to look for Miss Mavis or Dorothy and was too drunk and passed out before you reach.

 Anyway, when I saw you, I was concerned that is dead you dead, so I put my finger under your nose and realize that you never dead yet. To be on the safe side, I searched your pockets to see if I could find a mint or something to revive you, but I did not find anything. All that was in your pockets was a bunch of orange and pumpkin seeds, a bulla bag, some tobacco and a matches. I did not find anything strong enough to wake you because all the shake me shake you like tambourine at church you were still dead to the world. I decided to try use your water boots because everybody know say Johncrow dine in a your water boot, so the scent was bound to revive you so you could be on your way to Miss Spinny.

Anyway, I remove your water boot  and that is when me buck up on the bag with the money in your water boot. As I see it, I remember, that I have to replace two zinc on the roof that was leaking in the back room. I took it as a sign that God send you in my path to help out my situation. I used my conscience and only took what I needed.  I took enough to replace the two zinc them, the Dutch pot that Miss Punci borrow from me and never give me back, and the frock that your wife puss dodo pon, a small bill that I owe at Mass Percy shop for three pounds of chicken back, half a bread, a stick of butter and of course a few silver coins to drop in the offering plate.

I put back the rest and put on back your water boot and try to wake you up again. Seems like you had more than a few drinks or them did catch some of you breath in the rum bakkle, because I couldn’t wake you. I let my goat Betsy try to wake you as I thought she was just going to lick your face like a dog, but instead she bite you on your lip and that’s how you wake up. I was so shocked when I see the blood start to run down your chin and Betsy start to chase you I hide behind a rock because I could't help, and you know say me have a bad foot. 

When I went to church that Sunday, after service Bev told me that Miss Spinny give you some lick with the chimmy(Piss pot) because she never believe you when you tell her that them beat you up and rob you and take way most of the money. She was convinced that you sleep by Miss Mavis yard and give her the money that you earn at the market. When Bev told me I was so shocked, because of all the things that Miss Spinny could beat you with, she choose the chimmy. She could have used a shoes or one of the chalk plate them but the chimmy. That wasn’t right at all.

 Anyway, Mass Jasper, I didn’t have the heart to tell you at all, especially when me look and see you goat lip. I have always believed that what you don’t know can’t hurt you so I keep quiet. It seem like I did you  a favour though, despite the chimmy beating, because you seem to learn from your mistake as you never stop at Mass Percy again to drink when you coming from the market on Saturday nights.  You go straight home to Miss Spinny. Anyway, if I wasn’t deading I would give you back the money I borrowed from your water boot when I sell Betsy this Christmas. Since me a dead, I’m just going to consider it as your contribution to my nine-night or a down payment on my casket. I will see you at my funeral.

Your Neighbor

Sis Madge